Eventually, it all fades away.... :P

Everybody my age, have had their crushes, have had their hearts broken, have felt the pain one feels when someone's carving something on your chest with a knife with your mouth being held shut, everybody feels no one can love others as deeply as they do, everybody thinks they are more passionate and serious than others, but everybody can't be so now, can they be?

That's  part and parcel of growing up, why make a big deal out of it? You like some person, the other person either likes you back in the same way or they don't. Why break yourself if they don't like you back; do you think one would be happy if only one person likes the other in a relationship? If you genuinely like someone, you can be with that someone, even if there are some boundaries for physical intimacy, afterall love isn't all about it now, is it? And isn't all you crave for is to be with that person somehow. Our generation has done a really good job of re-defining friendships, and it's not at all bad or demeaning to show that you care, to show how much the other person means to you, even if you are not dating. But two things- don't go overboard and spoil it all; don't expect anything when you are doing this- it's not a way to make the person fall for you, it's just a way to respect our feelings and of the person in front. On the other hand, when somebody says they like you, you just can't and shouldn't shut off. Respect the feelings of the other person, and realize, not everything that they do is to win you back, or because they like you. There are some things that good friends would do for good friends.

And if the person likes you back in the same way, either you can be together, or you can't be. If you can't be, see if the person is comfortable talking about why, and if it is fixable. If it's not, its not. You have to understand, all you will ever be, is friends, or maybe something better than friends, but you will never be quite "there." And on the other hand, if you are together, I am the happiest person on earth for you guys, only because it's rare.. :D

Every one of us needs someone. Even Harvey needs a Jessica & a Donna. So it's okay to want to be with someone, to just like someone or be impressed with someone a bit too much. But it's not okay to allow your every action, your whole life to revolve around it. I know it hurts, I know its not easy, but that is so, only because you allow it to be so. And with emotions & moods given such a high priority nowadays, it's necessary that we get a little mature about this too. We recently introduced sex education in the curriculum because the rights & wrongs about it don't come as naturally as it used to for our ancestors, so it is about relationships. And not only about romantic ones, but about all our relations. We all need somebody to come and sympathise, to come and advise; to feel sorry for us, to make things right. But really, in a lifetime of 70-80 years, you have what, around 10 heart breaks (or definitely more) and you feel each one was more intense than the last. Agreed, the emotions may have been deeper, but hasn't your understanding and maturity grown with age? Even at 28 years of age, will you still handle heart break as you did when you were 16 ?

I know what many of you will think, I haven't loved anyone yet ? or it's easy to just say it. But nobody said life was going to be easy. It's just a way to make it less miserable. I feel so, and I think it's much better a way than many of the routes people take. It doesn't harm your body, it doesn't darken your soul, it just requires a larger piece of your will power and it makes you a stronger and a better person. Any other take on this is welcome, I am not a guru here. These are my opinions and I welcome other opinions as well. Feel free to write them to me on sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com

And all I hope for, is you all find what you are really looking for. Trust me, that's not a person, but a set of qualities. And there are many people who share the same set of qualities. This person didn't wait for you, it didn't work out- then you wait, because there are others.

At the place to be.. A random tirade..

Sometimes, the opportunities you want, are the ones you don't get.. Sometimes, naah, ALWAYS.. And it's not a new phenomena, people have been saying this for ages. There are multiple versions of it- Let go of your desire, Do your duty and universe will take care of the rest, Don't work with end in mind, Enjoy the journey than waiting for the destination and etc etc. But that's the most difficult thing to do.

I have really really bright & talented people around me, but all I can see is them cribbing, whining about one thing or another. The journey is becoming a burden than a path with obstacles. Whose fault is it ? System ? Students? Ambitions? Expectations ? If you get few marks below class average, the world's doomed for you here. And why ? Because all you see is the marks you get. Why doesn't anybody think about the actual knowledge they gained. Maybe exam time was your bad day, forget it, but atleast you know your concepts right- that's what I think it should be. There are many (valid) arguments for this- companies see only grades, knowledge won't pay your loan, but it's knowledge that will fulfill your dreams. I can actually imagine few of you saying, achar daalu kya dreams ka? Humein toh bas paisee chahiye...

But like seriously ? Is it what the chose 0.0001% of excellent students would like to do with their life? Earn money. I am not saying, don't study, don't strive for marks.. Of course you should. But don't live for marks. It's not the end of the world. Study, understand and breathe. Exams me jo hoga, so hoga.. You may not get any immediate results, but you will have your time. I am not saying the ones who get good grades don't understand. Of course they do, that's a given underlying assumption here.

There's an excellent campus around, people don't have a moment to pause and sigh at the beauty, they don't have time to go and play..  A few do, because they have to (maintain healthy lifestyle to improve efficiency and blah blah). Heck, people are not approaching their crushes kyuki time nahi h, time nahi milega... I mean, that is heights. (It's not directed at any one person :P) Manage.. Don't let just 2 years slide by.. Easy for me to say, I am not a part of any extra cirrics ? One, you don't know that. Two, I can see foolishnesses you guys are doing since I am not a part of it. This may sound like a rant, but trust me, after coming here, I know who is the audience for those self help books.. :P

Just relax people.. Thanda lo.. I repeat it, you are in the place most people just dream of.. Concentrate on developing new way of thinking, not continuing with the undergrad or school competitive demeanor.. It's a way of life, IIM B does everything to make it so.. I know there's a lot of stress, just don't loose your sanity here.. People have learned to laugh at their failures, but I am afraid so, not in a good way.

Just remember what Winston Churchill said,

"Sure I am that this day we are masters of our fate, that the task which has been set before us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not beyond my endurance. As long as we have faith in our own cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us."

There's hope for everyone of us, (Pretty good chances of it - We are at the median of outliers :P ) But only if we believe so.. !!!

At the place to B,.. 1 !!

Hey folks... So wanna know how's life around in this particular piece of land ? Frankly, I don't know.. Since last few days, I have been asked that a lot many times- How's this particular institute treating you ? How are the people there ? And nothing has put me in a fix more than these questions.. I mean, I love this place, the people around me are really nice and the best of the lot. I get to interact with the most distinguished personalities, I have a hell lot of work that keeps me awake well past midnight.. And mind you, it's some real interesting stuff. There are best of facilities around here. Except a little tiny problem.

Whenever I say this, I don't feel happy, excited.. It's like something has clouded it up in just 10 days here. There's no enthusiasm.. I wasn't the kind of the girl who would take a back foot when it comes to fests, events.. Even if I don't have any assigned profile, I remember roaming around, helping wherever I could.. Now, there's a fest prep going on around me, just as I sit and type these words. Not like I wasn't involved, I did a few its and bits, but I know, I can do a lot better. You would probably say, "Hey look, you are making a big deal out of this.Sometimes its okay to take a back seat. And the place you are in, everyone wants to lead.. Some subtly, some openly.. Understand that.." I agree, yet something's amiss.. It's been my dream to "study" here, and I have barely showed any enthusiasm in going through the lessons, assignments.. (Well, maybe probably because I got a plethora of those even before my first day.. :P) But it's like I have no drive to do so.. I am surprised at myself for that though..

I know it will pass.. After all, it's me we are talking about.. ;) What's surprising is, how strongly can one resist change, even when a part of them knows that the crossroads they are on, change is inevitable. Funnily, we all knew what we were signing for.. I knew I wouldn't be the same person after 20 months.. Still, I am not that completely up for the game. Who wouldn't like the idea of wrapping oneself in the blanket of security, simplicity and smugness of worldly beliefs of you, societial ideas, sitting indoors, enjoying the view. But there's a part in everyone of us here, who is struggling to prove it, to use the opportunity we have got.. And that's something that would keep me away from that blanket.. I think, this is the single most distinguishing quality of any elite environment.

There have been many great speakers here in last few days, and listening to their expectations of us, has scared me. It's like, I don't want to miss out on the potential I have, and yet not acknowledge the choices I may make, I am making. Because, they have made me realise, it's going to take a lot of sweat... And I am a damn lazy person. Maybe, I believed that this IIM B engraving will be etched as painlessly, as effortlessly as a scratch sticker. But I missed out that it won't come off as easy as that, it's a tattoo. There's this undergrad part of me, wanting to study only before exams.. And there's this B school part of me wanting to be the best prepared for every damn class.. :P Struggle's on.. :D

Maybe some swirling and sipping this weekend in this awesome weather with a few of my buddies will help my nerves calm down, reduce the overwhelmingness I feel.. :P If that doesn't help, there are my idiots back home,.. Will catch up with them.. :D Funnily, all I want myself to realise that there's always a choice you have,, And it ALWAYS is your call..  I envy the ones who somehow have it running through their veins already..:P

Right now, got to prepare 2 whole cases. So, tadah.. Will keep on updating you guys.. Till en, for anything and everything, drop a mail at sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com

Farewell Idiots.. :*

So folks, I am officially the worst good bye sayer now... :/ I had planned since weeks about how I will bid adieu to all my idiots, and what happened when the time came.. I just barely hugged them and said "Bubye, milte rehna... Skype karenge.." I couldn't even say take care.. :/ My epic dialogues didn't see the light of the day, even though technically I had 2 chances to say em.. Gone are the words of love, support, taunts and hella other emotions that should have been spoken, with 8/6/2016.

First things first, I am going to IIM, Bangalore.. Yeah.. Wohhooo... I know right.. But along with the fun, excitement, fear, there's also a bit of sadness lingering, for now I would have to leave my old friends, old way of life.. Now there won't be an established, comfortable group of mine, who no matter how much stupid and weird I get, would pamper me, love me, support me and most importantly, believe in me. The change is good, people dream of it and now I have got a chance. A chance to improve my life, a chance to make my friends and family proud, a chance to better the society I live in.. But somehow, I am afraid, I am not ready for this change..

Afterall, who am I ? A fresher, who hasn't even yet graduated; what is she gonna understand about the ethics, norms of corporate world, about economics, finance, marketing and sales.. A daughter, who was shielded from every problem by her parents; how is she gonna survive in this cut throat world, where she has to make on her own; A girl, who had somehow collected the best of friends, peers around her, who loved her, fought for her, corrected her, helped her stand up, how is she gonna face the world alone now ??

But then, as they say, no one can ever be completely prepared for something. And deep down, in my gut, I know this is the path I should lead. All this - clearing CAT, preparing for interviews, the wait, securing admission to "THE" institute, packing stuff, wrapping up relations- has changed me. I have began to see the amount of seriousness people live their lives with, amount of things I don't know, variety of people out there, their talents, sheer determination, will, perseverance.. It has enlightened me, humbled me and given me a different kind of motivation, strength that does not, can not come from within, nor can it come from your friends & family. This is something that leads you on, that doesn't get extinguished easily..  Also, I have seen some phases of people.. Unexpected joy, unexpected envy, and a whole bunch of other unexpectednesses.. :P

As much as lucky and nice this phase was for me, many of my friends were dealing with the dreading issues of their own. In spite of that, they overindulged me, they were proud of me, AND they made sure I knew it. This is something only a few people get to experience. It wasn't a single fb post, it wasn't a gift.. It was their whole demeanour.. I never felt as blessed as I have in these times, to have such people around me.. I remember people having tears of their own grief and smile of my achievement while congratulating me.. We all had the same goals at a point of time, but unfortunately, I don't suppose fate allows all the devils to work together.. :P

Well, they will catch up soon.. Life doesn't stop.. Nor will it now when I so desperately want to spend some time with my brother, parents, friends.. So all we can do is look forward to what's definitely coming our way.. make our decisions.. start trod-ding down the path we have set for ourselves.. There will be setbacks, there will be times when you won't understand what to do, what's going on.. Why is it happening, why are you doing what you are doing.. Will the efforts be worth it, will it do anybody any good.. No matter, at what point of life you are on, these questions come to haunt you.. I have learnt to either avoid them and continue doing what I was going to do.. or listen to my heart.. A voice that stays within all of us.. Trust me, it knows what's best for you..

And right now, it's asking me to sleep.. :P So, it's gonna be new life, new rules, new targets, new friends, new masala (hopefully.. :P ) and the old me with my old world. Let's see how that one works out.. Will keep you updated..

For anything and everything, mail me on sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com

The dreams.. for just 25 more days.. :P

I don't know why I feel I am obliged to give you guys some updates about what's happening with me.. I don't even feel like I have to make an effort for the same.. This isn't writing people, just some random moments/ realisations I would like everybody to be a part of.. But this one, it's lil different..It's for all those idiots in my life, for their dreams, wishes.. This is not about the ambitions we have.. All of us are sitting with our hands clutched to our side supports, waiting for the reality roller coaster of that to begin.. It's about all those stupid things we expected, dreamt of, wanted to pursue till our graduation and trust me, their's a whole lot of variety here..

It's a mix of all sorts of weirdos here.. For starters, almost everybody wanted to have a "significant" other. One of them wanted some guy to go up on the stage, or some famous celebrity to call her up on the stage, and give her a special mention, or confess his love for her, to have the audience hoot and cheer her. The other one wanted to have the same boyfriend for all her academic life, like literally from her school, to junior college to graduation. Others just wanted to have a nice romantic kiss from the one they love in a romantic setting or some just wanted to lose "it." Somebody wanted to go on an adventure trip with their better halves, others just wanted to go on a blind date or wanted a nice encounter with a tall, dark handsome/ hot, cute smart stranger.

One wanted to be a CIA agent and solve cases and fight like James Bond, one came to this college with the sole purpose of becoming a movie star and there was one, who just wanted to be famous and powerful. An idiot wanted to be the youngest CEO of a multinational company who hasn't even graduated and some co-idiots wanted to be featured as cover for TIME & Forbes magazines, or wanted to be famous scientists to be called all over the ivy league universities as speakers.. :P

There were others, who had some petty wishes, like trying different kinds of "firsts", getting drunk and doing crazy stuff and/or passing out, trying out all the "other" possible stuffs.. :P. There was one who wanted to be the absolute master of one instrument/art. And then there were a few who wanted to have some road trips, own houses before graduating, wanted to go to Bhutta Parvat once, wanted to climb on a bar table and dance, wanted to visit some "specific" clubs, wanted to have a Goa trip, wanted to have an all guys/ all girls long vacation and/or have some only guys/only girls fun.. ;) , wanted to ask somebody out, and there are many more...

I know, we were being childish, naive, but it's these dreams, this childishness that sometimes is forgotten in the race for ambitions.. After a few days, we all will be "supposedly" responsible, and wise grown ups..  It's nice to look back and be able to remember these things.. It's a part of us, one of the purest parts, that stems up from the childhood dreams. And nobody can state it better than these few lines the beloved H W Longfellow-
( I just wanted to post 1 or 2 stanzas, but couldn't decide which, so, here you go.. )

I can see the shadowy lines of its trees,

      And catch, in sudden gleams,

The sheen of the far-surrounding seas,

And islands that were the Hesperides

      Of all my boyish dreams.

            And the burden of that old song,

            It murmurs and whispers still:

      "A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

I remember the bulwarks by the shore,

      And the fort upon the hill;

The sunrise gun, with its hollow roar,

The drum-beat repeated o'er and o'er,

      And the bugle wild and shrill.

            And the music of that old song

            Throbs in my memory still:

      "A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

I can see the breezy dome of groves,

      The shadows of Deering's Woods;

And the friendships old and the early loves

Come back with a Sabbath sound, as of doves

      In quiet neighborhoods.

            And the verse of that sweet old song,

            It flutters and murmurs still:

      "A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

I remember the gleams and glooms that dart

      Across the school-boy's brain;

The song and the silence in the heart,

That in part are prophecies, and in part

      Are longings wild and vain.

            And the voice of that fitful song

            Sings on, and is never still:

      "A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

There are things of which I may not speak;

      There are dreams that cannot die;

There are thoughts that make the strong heart weak,

And bring a pallor into the cheek,

      And a mist before the eye.

            And the words of that fatal song

            Come over me like a chill:

      "A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

Strange to me now are the forms I meet

      When I visit the dear old town;

But the native air is pure and sweet,

And the trees that o'ershadow each well-known street,

      As they balance up and down,

            Are singing the beautiful song,

            Are sighing and whispering still:

      "A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

And Deering's Woods are fresh and fair,

      And with joy that is almost pain

My heart goes back to wander there,

And among the dreams of the days that were,

      I find my lost youth again.

            And the strange and beautiful song,

            The groves are repeating it still:

      "A boy's will is the wind's will,

And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts."

It's just a random piece, for some random thoughts that some random people had at some random time at a random point of their life.. :P

Just for thought, folks !!

I heard somebody say, "Every person brings a new feeling to the table." And that set me wondering about how impeccably true it is. You see, we love some people, we like some people, we hate some, we are jealous of a few, we are just apathetic towards some.. But even in these broad categories, we know, we don't feel the exact same thing for two different people, even if the people in comparison are our parents, our kids, our siblings.. We can't love two people in the exact same way, neither can we hate some clan with equal intensity. Isn't it a wonderful realisation ??

Each person is made of his own habits, his own beliefs, his ideologies, his physical identity, his thoughts, so many of "his" things to be penned down. Just imagine, the number of emotions that are out there... Maybe this is the reason why people say, that life in olden days was much easier; maybe fewer complications, and better distinctions in their opinions of liking/disliking people.. As there were actually much fewer people out there... :P

This thought can open up a lot many perspectives on various things. I know, it's a very abstract idea, but then again, the most beautiful things in the world are mostly abstract works.You can think of a person as one whole idea, which can be interpreted by different people in different ways.. The thought was so illuminative, that I had to share it.. :P

And now imagine how foolish are the number of people out there doing random stuff just to prove to others that they are unique too. Only if they realise this.. Only if they knew, there's nothing right; nothing wrong.. It's all just a perspective.. That the feeling of every individual towards them is different, unique... Only if they would appreciate it, the world could be a much interesting place to live in,.. :)

For anything and everything, do email me at sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com

Of imperfections on a perfectionist quest.....

"Hey, look at you. How can you even think of him liking you back ? Look at those broad shoulders, they will outlong his if you continue at this pace. Look at the tyres around the belly, the fat on your back, the bulges, the trunk thighs.. Why in the world will he not friend zone you ? Who wants such a fatty as a girlfriend ? So suck it up, and put on a brave face. You don't even deserve to let him know that you love him like crazy. You just don't," she said to the mirror everyday. And when I heard about it, I just did not know what to say. My mind was torn between so many arguments. And moreover, a lot of things came back to me at that very instant.

I knew, in my heart, that this wasn't correct. But then, I also thought, whom am I kidding. No body lives in Sharayu world, full of nice, ideal things, fairy tale endings. My father always says, "In this world, don't desire something until you deserve it." It's his favourite quote. And I was thinking, am I taking this in the right context ? Does each and every person has to go through this self torture to even think of asking someone for a coffee, because, as it is, no one's perfect. I don't say there aren't any perfect people out there, there are, only things of my envy I suppose. But not the majority. So does the majority leave the chance of being with a really nice person, whom they are comfortable with, with whom they don't need to use that awkward face, and be conscious all the time, with the people who can make them laugh and forget all the worries, with whom they feel a sense of warmth spreading up their cheeks (it's a feeling completely different from a blush or embarrassment, trust me ;) and its much more fulfilling :) ), with whom they can share all their embarrassing habits, incidents, one person, if whose look says go ahead, you won't worry if the whole world's mocking you for it, waiting for people perfect on the outside with sound minds and bodies.. Do they ?? If they do, I really feel sad for them.

Such majority is surely missing out a lot in life. Yes, I know, you will ask, will you go out with a fat guy, or a dark guy or a bald guy,  whatever, I don't know what all are the rejection criterion for guys. Well, to answer that, it depends. I really don't mind the looks as long as there's this aura around them, a spark in the eye, liveliness, a confidence of them being comfortable in their own skins. I believe, its not the body, color or any other factor that makes you attractive, its your inner light, inner warmth that makes you look like the people see you. And if you actually see, as is my observation, the people who actually "know" that they look "good", are confident enough about themselves, and about everybody else, and also about accepting the person in front as he/she is.. But such kind of people are really rare in today's world of cosmetics, size zero and six pack abs.

It's like seeing in movies, reading it in novels; that goodnight kisses do take place on the doorstep after your date, the person you like is the most beautiful amongst others around, that the way they express love in movies is true and physically feasible, that the path of true love or friendship is full of thorns and sacrifices and more such blah blah.. and actually expecting them in real life. It may happen, and I would be more than happy if it happens for you, what pricks me the most is that it's expected, like a ritual or something.. I feel sad to see that these bits of imaginations of others, of brilliant directors and authors though, have largely defined our way of seeing people, our ideologies of love and unfortunately, sometimes, even the definition of friendships. In this world, full of perfectionists, I  would personally don't want somebody perfect- someone with perfect body, good intellect, good sense of humor, good wit, perfect color, perfect hair, good job, stable income, stable family... No.. I want somebody who knows he's perfect in some things, imperfect in others, accept them and also accept the fact that so is the person in front of him. It isn't very difficult if you are true to your core, if you have the ability to think. :P :D

I am not an idealist, but isn't this the most logical ?? And everyone of us has a heart, agreed, but good news people, we got brains too.. :P

PS- I could have written on and on about this. But I hope you guys get the gist... :D

For anything, mail me at sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com

Idiots, not for long now.. :P

Well people, too long it's been.. Yeah, I missed you all too.. ^_^ Right now, I got a very hectic schedule. I managed to line up a few opportunities for myself. But trust me, it's not et all fun for two reasons, there's too much to work on as mostly the coaching people train you to be somebody the interviewing panel will like, not be yourself and then leave the decision to the panel if you are suited for the course. And the other, I have to do all this alone. This sucks more.

I have been living in hostel since last 3 years. You know, the feeling when you just do some "swag" thing out there and then return back together, walking in as dudes and dudettes. Right from any small prank we pulled together, to having a great evening out, to a tiring but super successful shopping day out, birthday celebrations, to one of us getting absolute good marks, to one or all of us being thrown out of class, to first jobs, to first date narrations, to relationship discussions, we always walked back as a winning team coming home, through those gates of our institute. I am too used to that feeling. It isn't the same when all of us are walking along different paths, and worse when they are just waiting back at the crossroads for you. I just hope this waiting time doesn't get far stretched and I know they won't let it happen. I am just too proud and too sure of my friends to believe otherwise.

And actually, as much as I hate doing it, I can't deny the silver lining it holds. Normally, I wouldn't go and interact with any of the co-students that are there for the interviews. But left with no choice, I talked to the other students there, and actually met a few of very amazing people from different cities, states altogether. It was very refreshing to hear starkly different views about so many things. Their experiences, there way of dealing with things, their backgrounds, it all gave me a sense of uniqueness for myself and a flavor that you a part of something bigger, and there are a lot many people better. A lot many things come back rushing to me.

The struggles and lengths people go to to get something right when all I have is my casualness of taking things staring in my face. Uptil now, I had 4 different incidents, encounters or experiences that changed me, to sum up to what I am today. I have a feeling, no matter how everything goes, this is going to be the fifth one, and one of the greatest milestone or setback in my life. What exactly, that time will tell. I will surely keep you all updated. Gotta rush.. :P

Mail me @ sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com for any queries, help, suggestions or advice.. :)