Right now, what I am about to write is by the folks who have found it very very difficult to realize and face something, to the folks who couldn't help doing what they had to. Through me, may you find a moment to take a deep breathe and say, "Yes, I can do this (too)!!"
I am sitting alone in my room, with birds about to start chirping, a new day about to start ticking, and I now have a feeling, that I know how a bride, her parents, her family feels when she's leaving her home for her husband, as is the custom. She's happy to start a new life, to look ahead to something new & exciting, but there's pain of leaving something behind, something that has seen her laugh, cry, fight, crib, love, hate, play, and grow... Something that has braved her stupid stunts, idiotic decisions and awful pranks.. On the other hand, the family is happy to see their child start afresh but it can't seem to digest the idea that their beloved wouldn't be around anymore, hopping and skipping all over the house. Everyone else, everything around will be the same, as it always was, except the one. The world celebrates the bravery of the bride as she let's go of everything that was dear to her to make the system work, because someone has to. But the world forgets that the family grieves too. They miss their chirpy old girl too.
Why am I having such weird thoughts? That is because, right now, I feel like the bride waiting for her journey to a different life begin, and I am sure, the other side, is going to miss me too.
No, I ain't getting married or something. It's just a similar painful goodbye. I have parted with people before, with some because I had something to look forward to, and I knew they will always be there for me, with some because of some stupid misunderstandings I would probably never even know about. For most of them, I knew, even years later I will pick up from where I left. But this time, it's different. Ever experinced what it is to let a dear part of you be, no matter where, how, in what condition... Just letting it be, letting it do whatever it wants, whatever the time wants to get done?
The dear part I am talking about are the relationships formed- formed when you have gone through a lot in a small span of time, when you have faced some real bad adversities, some really terrible and ugly monsters together. It's after such experiences, one doesn't care if they share the same relationship after years or no. It's about the connection you form when surroundings.. time is full of acceptance, acceptance that humans can err... Full of laughter about the limitations one has.Some important life lessons are learned together, some important behaviors engraved somewhere inside of you... Those memories can't be forgone ever now, can they be? They will always serve as reminders of faith in people; always bug us to drop the ego, drop the anger, pick up the phone and let whatever is needed to happen to clear the air, and go back to what we were. Sometimes one may take time, but something too precious was shared to let the malign things lie tangled between the bonds. If they don't, well, what can one say except that it won't be only the fault of one who did try. Not all the times one needs to worry about time eating away the threads that hold you together.
This time, it's not about the distance, but about time... Time during which there will be a void, that no one will be able to fill. A void which makes me realise, I just wasn't ready to suffer the tortures that these stone walls offer without my complete support system, I wasn't ready to enjoy the surprises and blessings this place offers without the peals of laughter gnawing at my ears... But life goes on they say, and I am sure it will. Maybe, it's for the best, maybe it's not.. Either way it's going to happen... So sit tight, breathe deep and wait for the bride's car to get out of sight. After that, it gets easier, mainly because one doesn't have any option !!
There's something good that came up too, as usual.Currently, I have these bouts where I just feel like traveling, going backpacking. It is a fantasy I thought, just because I had nothing to do? Or I wanted it just because it gave me time and reasons to reduce my emotional turbulence, a small chance for a get-together, miles away from home, where I know, nevertheless, I will be home. It is now that I realize- I yearn for me to experience those places, feel the air there.. Stand there and take in the beauty... Enjoy the camera perfect moment... Because, once upon a time, I used to think that I can really live the world through someone else.. But no, now I know, hearing the stories, looking at the pictures was, is just a motivation... All I want is a wall full of the beauty that awaits me, which will be my something precious I get back for letting go a part of me... Joyeux voyage amis !! Amusez-vous bien :) !!PS - No matter what, the world will keep turning.. You have an option, a choice to decide how much portion of today are you willing to give to think about yesterday's and tomorrow's certainties.. As most of the times, even here, less is more.. I am sure, like my sweethearts are going to get something really nice for me from each country they visit :P , everyone will receive something back, one way or the other :)
