Let the well versed player handle the reins.. #randoms.. !!

Life goes on people say.  People change, conditions change, relationships change, priorities change, but time goes on steadily. And this time engulfs everything silently witnessing the same cycle of turmoil the people go through and through. Restlessness due to change in your relations, frustration due to change in monetary status, the struggle to deny and at the same time accept that people change, the same rhythm of liking someone, struggling to keep yourself together, the joy of being accepted, the sanctity of just being with someone, or the brave face you put up when things don't go accordingly, that heartache to go through it and face the world normally, time testimonies everything, it knows the results and cures, but still decides to stand by and watch. About something's, you just can't do anything, you have to go through it, feel all it has to offer to come out shining as gold from a furnace.

All this started with me thinking if I and one of my friends have drifted apart, or is this just my speculation ( I am usually blamed for over-thinking :P ) and then I realised nothing of it is new. It may be a life changing situation for me, but many people would have drifted away from each other across centuries. It's just good to accept  that sometimes, we just do drift apart. However good friends you may be with someone, no matter how close you were, there are times when you feel it's just not the same. The bond you used to share no longer exists. Well, sometimes there may be a logical reason, sometimes it's because you expected quite a much but sometimes it's just because you start to feel so.

There are times in every relationship when you start feeling too protective, too possessive about the person and if we cannot handle it, we wrap it in a glossy paper labelling it infatuation or love. No, my ideologies of love will take up another of a page. I do not want to break the bubble about it. It happens. But similarly, there are times when we feel the person in front to be a complete stranger, even after knowing them in and out. And if we have ever been really really close, we start doubting if somebody else has taken up our place. We feel like we are losing grip, our hold, our importance in their life or in modest words, the person is losing the affection he had for us, something like the distance between us is growing, never to be filled up.

But the truth is, all we need to do at such times is let time do its course. The well versed player knows what's best for us. He may just stand and watch, but never fails us if we depend on him for something. He will give us a result, good or bad, its upto us.. ;)  All the while your job is to believe and do whatever you think you can do to make things work, even if it means just going on stand by mode for the time being. And at the end of the day nothing of this matters, if you can go to bed with a smile on your face. That's what all the struggle is about.. ;) !!

Idiots, Maybe... :P - 2

I somehow find the classroom. Its almost empty with a few students scattered over. I decide on an empty bench and look around. The girls sitting in front of me turn around and smile. I smile back. Yes, they are first of my ICT friends.. Let's call them, Pooja, Swati and Preeti. I introduce myself to them. Till then, a professor enters the classroom and announces it to be the first lecture of Physics. And we are introduced to a hell of a Professor. A logical, dynamic lady, no doubt, an idol for many girls out there. And I am thoroughly impressed by what ICT has to offer, once again.

Oh.. For the folks out there wondering what happened to the handsome hunk I earlier mentioned, what is this ?? A movie ?? :P Remember, I am allowed to fool around a little ;) Frankly, ICT life would have been a heaven if we had such hunks in college. No offence to boys out here, there are handsome guys, cute guys, sweet guys, nice guys, but Tom Cruise hot or at-least Ranbir Kapoor cute.. Sorry.. !! Our luck totally sucked in that category. :P But on serious notes, I have met a few of the finest guys in ICT. Well, I will introduce them gradually.. Patience..

So while the lecture is on, I see a familiar face in the crowd, and I am like, Oh my God ! You can't be this cruel !! What the hell is he doing here ?? No no, it isn't my school crush. Long story short, this is the guy who was junior to me in school but now my batch mate as I took a year break before graduation. That's not all, he used to come to my home for tuitions. My mom used to teach him. And again that's not all, he used to call me Didi !! It's weird. The last thing I wanted is one of my batchmates calling me that. But still, it would have been rude to walk away without acknowledging. So, gathering up courage, we talk. I don't remember who walked up to whom, what I do is, he called me Sharayu. ^_^ And there I find another one of keeper friend.

Let's call him Vikas. Well, a good at heart guy but sometimes ( I have to be good here, you know.. Or else there wont b any further blogs. :P ) he tends to get a lil overboard, that's it. I can't talk much about him because he can get hyper about any small thing. He is extremely extremely competitive. Likes to get overloaded with 'supposed' work. Sometimes unreasonable but a good friend. He will help you in whatever way he can, going out of his way. And if you are the girl he likes, there are no boundaries for him to go out of way to help you ;)

But yes, he tends to forget his ways sometimes. (literal roads here. :P ), somewhat absent minded he is. Once a few of these guys were going to Aurora. Aurora here is a theatre near ICT for late-night movies. Just atmost 4-5 min distance from college campus. And after 6 months in ICT as a hostelite, after watching a few movies there, it took around 20+ mins to reach the theatre as Saheb forgot his way. Then, this guy is a really great dancer. To enhance his dancing skills and make them comparable to others', he joined some dance classes at Andheri. The classes cost him around 500 Rs per class. And once while going there, he "by mistake" climbed into a train for Panvel. ( For those who don't know, Panvel & Andheri are on opposite sides). Not to mention the number of times he has forgotten his phone somewhere.. >:O And many more detailed incidents about it coming up.

And then somehow 2-3 days fly off. We all exchange numbers, add whomever possible on Facebook. Then seniors come to our class to announce about Fresher's. And then the next few days I felt like I am just a spectator of all the activities going around me. So much to do, a zeal to make an impression in the new environment. But truly, these people standing in front of me were little different, weird, frightening.. I don't know, you judge for yourselves how the first impression was. One of them had an ear piercing, lot many bracelets or rakhis, trust me, he looked somewhat tapori and had a really loud voice. Another one with a french cut beard, Salman Khan like walk and an air of I-know-it-all-and-I-rule. One was a Mr-I-love- three-quarter-pants guy. One seemed to be an extremely calm guy, I mean extremely calm. These are the people I remember ( I dont think I need to mention, but still, I mean no offence). Many of these people were later linked to my life in most unimaginable ways in these years.

Finally I gear up and start watching out for dates of audition. With-a-spirit-of-come-what-may, I plunged to make Bad the new good. ( That was our Fresher's tagline). Keep watching the space.. ;) :P

Idiots, Maybe.... :P-1

Let me first tell you where we reached after this journey. So right now all of us are in a pretty I-may-hug-you-or/and-I-may-punch-you mood. With realities hitting, hormones testing, emotions running high, dreams nudging, people backstabbing, bitching, parents getting concerned about a whole range of things from marriage to career, loads of disappointments and of course, with a few colleagues doing good in either social, personal or/and professional spheres, things can get a little wavy, you know.. ;)

If I tell you about this exact moment, none of us are sure about what we are going to go after exactly, what is all the preparation for. All we are doing is just gearing up for the best possible or say, feasible options that in some faraway corner of the weaved dream show us money, (come on, we stopped denying it long back..:D ), fame, status, time for catching up, time for our "hobbies", satisfaction, and some more money. The dying academics need a lifeline, the gym keeps on calling and then, there are matters of heart, which form a whole new chapter.

Oh no no, don't get the wrong idea. The picture isn't so gloomy. There are awesome friends who can change your mood in like a snap, supporting parents who are there for us no matter what, interesting seniors & interesting juniors and unique, twisted, easy going, difficult profs with heavy accent. Then there are night outs, parties, long walks for long talks, out-of-the-world philosophical theories and reasoning, our ideas of spending time, dinners, shopping sprees, target-one-and-mock sessions, and much more. The time spent together becomes memorable even if it means all we are doing is waiting for clock to strike 10, just chit chatting in canteen. (Munna canteen here is open till 12 at night.. Kinda hostelites special canteen.. ) It's almost the same everyday. Familiarity is boring, but comforting at the same time. We all know whatever we do, how much ever misunderstandings try to tear us apart, how ever we insult each other, we can fall back on others there. The fact that they are just going to be there for me, no matter what, is now giving me courage to experiment, to try out new roads and most importantly, to dare to deny the usual links to "happy" future because I don't want to spend my life working in a bank or a lab. Let's see how we ended up together.

So, I enter this big institute with fantastic gardens and four pillars at the entrance taking along all my hopes, dreams and looking forward to start over afresh. Nothing from the past travels with me beyond those gates I decided. The campus beyond those gates was one to die for. I fell in love with the ambience of the college right from the day I first entered it, and that day, I once again got swooned by the added charms due to the rains. Everything around me seemed to scream, you are going to love being around here. Though this didn't help any of the confusion and chaos in my mind. Everyone around me seemed to know where they were heading whereas I was just walking around aimlessly with a blank look on my face. ( Okay, about the funky entry with all-stares-on-you part, that looks good in Bollywood. This is the real stuff here we are talking about people.. :P ) No one around me seemed to be a fresher. I actually started wondering if I mistook the date. The notice board then asks me to report to some H 103 classroom for my first lecture. A long walk along the corridor tells me that this part of the building has all A-10 something. I look around to ask someone the directions. A girl, dressed to kill, with an air of confidence walks by and I instinctively avoid asking her for the directions. ( First day in a totally new surroundings, with no known face, can make the confident-est of us demure. So don't make an impression of me yet.. :P And this girl, btw, is my batch-mate and now the dance secretary of the college. :P )

I somehow find the classroom. Its almost empty with a few students scattered over. I decide on an empty bench and look around. And my eyes meet his. He with a perfectly sculpted body and sea green eyes, slightly tanned skin, smiles through his dimples. I smile back and think about shifting next to him. Till then, a professor enters the classroom and announces it to be the first lecture of Physics. As I turn around, I find him sitting next to me. I introduce myself as Sharayu extending a hand. Ohh the grip of his hand on mine,.. I actually feel a shiver run down through my spine. He says, "Hey, I am.....

 To be coninued.. ;) :P !! (Test tomorrow.. >:O :/)

PS - 1. All this is my perception.

        2. I have promised the 'characters' are real, not the incidents.
        3. That doesn't mean they aren't.
        4. The characters and the incidents concerning them may have been interchanged as from real life.
        5. I am allowed to fool around a little.. :D ;)
        6. Thank you for the idea of writing PS's.. :P

Idiots, maybe.... :P - Prologue

{ Note-
I am writing this with an intention of portraying sketches of people I have met during my graduation.. Why am I doing this ? Well, because I thought, maybe it's something which I should note down somewhere.. and on this platform, many of us will hopefully connect to this.. People are the same everywhere and in every time period.. There must have been a chatur in our parent's class .. So is there in ours.. There must have been a Shanaya, there is.. N there will be one.. Some may be living with them now , for some it may revive some old memories, and for some, this may be a motivation to tug along the difficult years of junior college.. P

The characters that I may write about, however impossible they seem, won't be imaginary ;) }

Graduation years are the best ones I hear people say.. Fortunately am living one, and trust me, I don't think there can be a better time. We laugh, cry, get envious, bitchy, we dream, we get devastated.. We are then in the formative and most potentially productive ( in terms of professional space. ;) ), full of energy and zeal. It is then that we learn to handle ourselves, we actually grow up together. Nothing can be more beautiful than this if you have the right company. And the most immediate company one has after family is that of friends. yes, others also do matter, but these sweethearts just deserve a special mention.

A few stories of  "graduation time friendships" have been made eternal by filming them, and yes, each of them takes us to a different world, not mentioning the popularity and the profits. It isn't like each one of us have to take a vacation together to Goa or Shimla, or have trips round the world or have extraordinary talents and modesty to steal a question paper without peeking a glance. None of us 'need' to follow these trails. Everyone of us has an interesting story of our own which comprises of small sacrifices that our friends make, those awesome surprises, the jhig jhigs, the cold wars, the celebrations.. and what not. All we should do is cherish them, especially when we feel low. Nothing can cheer us up more than the bitter sweet memories of past, and how we trailed through them. And that is, even if you are low because of a few ( or all ) of them...  :D :D
So I am gonna write a continuous series of short stories or say incidents from my and few of my friend's life..
So watch out the space for more.. Hopefully ya all like it.. :)

The ones who keep you on track.. ;)

Sometimes in life, you get off track, you forget what you can achieve, what you once upon a time wanted to be when you grow up. You get so surrounded by the usual things, the unnecessary day to day intricacies that you just start believing the obstacles that come to your way then, the worries that haunt you then, the joys, the peace you experience then to be real, to be the limit you can reach to. And you start living with it, isn't it ??
In school we all wanted to be actors, astronauts (I wanted to be the youngest one going out in space and first one to step on some moon.. This childhood I tell you.. :P), cricketers, and what not... Yes, go ahead and remind yourself of the times when you thought about no barrier.. You could conquer the world.. And then we passed out of our schools leaving this boldness of childish dreams there. Junior college, time of "Realistic dreams".. We all knew we could crack JEE or AIIMS entrance. We prepared for it seriously, so damn seriously that a major part of day went in planning for the life after graduation from IIT/ AIIMS. Happens, part and parcel of life. That doesn't mean we didn't study, we did. Some made it. Some thought just if I had solved this one question and didn't fake a few a those, I would be there.. Chalo, ho gaya ye bhi abhi.
Now, we are almost 18, and in our senior college. We start doing cool things, waise bhi kya ukhad liya studious banke, restrict karke.. Yehi time he.. Let's have the time of our life. We bunk lectures, we celebrate birthdays and small events, we take our first sip of the medicine that makes us go "All-is-Well", we try and put ourselves in as much emotional turbulence we can. May it be issues from back home, issues about the guy/ gal we like/ love, or may it be career related issues. We push ourselves to the extent that we finally start believing the thing called "destiny". ( Okay now, no further life story, am at this stage now.. :D )

This is the usual scenario. At a point we feel we can't be different than the creatures that come and leave with no mark left behind them. We are normal beings, all we can best do is look out for ourselves, our family, have a 9-5 job or maybe a small start up, travel a few places around in the lifetime which we manage to afford, and that's it how life's going to be....

But sometimes, some people are just blessed to have a few people around, the people with dreams, colleagues with ambitions. People with an urge to learn something new with every given opportunity, to develop themselves for their sake. Ones who want to evolve as individuals, ones who still have those hopes, that faith in themselves, that belief on their capacities. People who haven't yet given up on their dreams. People who keep on reaching heights, who keep on dreaming and who don't leave the ones around them behind, neither do they climb up pulling down someone. People with morals, ethics, principles...

People who actually are kind according to general definition of 'kind'.. ( with no discriminations I meant.. ;) ), understanding and encouraging. The folks who are proud if you are aware about what's going on around, ones who strengthen your resolve to keep yourself updated with happenings around. These buddies remind you about the person you used to be, the good qualities that you are leaving behind in your daily run for lectures, labs, emotional stability and politics. They treasure you more than you do your self worth. And then one day you realize, you gotta do something, if not for yourselves, for the people who still have that faith in you. You can still pass any obstacle as long as these friends are around, you can still conquer the world in the field you want.

 I am glad I have such people around whom I can look up to if I start doubting my capabilities, if I find myself as someone who's going to go for a stable marriage and kids and a job. Then these are the people who mysteriously come, comfort me, console me, but don't leave without spurring me up again. Maybe by their words, by their actions. And these lil tricks never fail. Once again I decide which is the most practical track to run on,  and just shoot off.. crossing the hurdles coming in my way. I know if I ever look back I won't regret leaving that track behind, and if I look aside I will find few of those people running beside. And a few ahead of me to warn about the hurdles. Everything around systematically woven.. With my life pulled together.

I know everyone's got such jewels. Treasure them, polish them if they gloom up, they need you as much as you need them. And yes, even though I agree no relation's selfless, it's not always about give and take, sometimes it's just about the presence... And never underestimate that presence. It can get you back your boldness of childish dreams that you left behind.. ;) And then if you consciously start listening to the small voice of your heart, you know, I know, there's no looking back... :)

So just shoot off amigos, with at least such a "one" as your company .. !!
alles Gute.. ;) !!

Some of those moments..

"Do you know how there are moments when the world moves so slowly you can feel your bones shifting, your mind tumbling ? When you think that no matter what happens to you for the rest of your life, you will remember every last detail of that one minute forever ? "
- Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes.

Everyone of us have savoured such moments... It maybe a glance of a stranger, the pronunciation of a certain word, the depth of a certain phrase, those few moments that have just a bit more resonance than other moments.. Those moments which makes us forget ourself.. All that exists of it in our memory is the feeling of how the moment felt, we being the object... It maybe someone whispering "We have won" after a tough, strenuous competition; it may be a brush of someone's little finger against yours; it maybe holding somebody's gaze for longer than usual; it maybe a memory of a speech that made the whole school stop for a while; it may be a retention of unexpected, unintentional balloon shower on you... The eternal moments I call them. They stay in a different world, in a more peaceful higher layer of universe.

And if we were to collect these small moments in a notebook and save them over a period of months we would see certain trends emerge from our collection—certain voices would emerge that have been trying to speak through us, to us. We would realize that we have been having another life altogether; one we didn't even know existed inside us. And maybe this other life is more important than the one we think of as being real—this clunky day-to-day world of furniture and noise and metal. So just maybe it is these small silent moments which are the true story-making events of our lives. Maybe these moments are the ones Paulo Coelho was talking about in The Alchemist when he said the world talks to us, the universe guides us. The flashes which occur for a reason, which guide us, the higher moments which help us in the way of life, on the path of our destiny.

Sometimes there are moments of realisation, of realising that you are gifted, you are a way better than millions out there, when finally it dawns on you that it's time to let go, that you are futilely dodging around a relation. Then moments of truth..  When you have to take a hard decision on the side of minimum cons, when you are out of your denial and accept you have been cheated, or you are alone on the path you have chosen.. 

These are the small minion lives of your whole life.. Each one bringing in a different experience.. Its after 21 years that I have realised that these are the experiences that need to be penned down, that need to be understood consciously than enjoying just reliving those without understanding it's implication. Even if significance of some of these moments is decoded, it would be easier and more meaningful than treading along in life. No, not necessary all of these have some message, but yes, each has it's own beauty. So next time, you meet "some of these moments", wait for the moment to sink.. Afterall these are the moments worth living.. :) !!

Few words here and there, and the relation doomed ??

Truths, lies, assumptions, imaginations,jokes, comments, compliments, secrets.. Is this the centre of a human's universe ?? He said so, but how could he, didn't he know, even if he didn't know he had no right to say that, did he take me for granted, am I getting too involved in him, am I over reading/over thinking, should I just let this pass, should I talk to him about it , doesn't he now care for me... Yes, that's the line most of us follow...

Happens, sometimes words just fall off. And you had no intention of saying that, in fact, you realize you have said it after hearing your own voice. Just like when a very sincere, shy student is asked to get stuff from staffroom during a lecture and on being questioned about the delay, he hears himself saying, "Ab kya bike se jaata !!" Funny ?? Trust me, happens. And these accidental slip outs break or rarely, make a person's impage. We start seeing whatever he does through the goggles of good/ bad/dumb/irritating etc etc.

I am not justifying it because if we don't judge a person even by his thoughts, it will get difficult for us to sieve the company from the crowd. It's just a thought ! I personally believe in giving people benefit of doubt rather than tarnishing their image. Because, every single beating heart out there tries to be a do- gooder. Goodness, if it can be termed so, is never going to get out of fashion. Even the cruellest people will claim to have a weak heart, even the greatest sinner explains his acts as though a victim himself. So be it..

Talking about the a sinner explaining himself, even a liar has reasons for his lies. Vague it may be for others, but people do lie for a reason, however stupid, foolish they may seem. A self imposed thought maybe, a greed, envy, immoral acts' explanations, anger, security, covering - up, whatever it is. Most of the people are driven by these reasons when they hurt others by their acts or words. And slip outs, thoughts from sub conscious one didn't know existed.. :P Try to figure out the reasons. Confrontations may help, may not help, depends on the situations. Be aware of a person's traits, habits.. but folks, no ones a complete package of negative things, stick around and encourage the small good roots.

Another common reason for discern is, trust issues ( PS: not the bf/gf trust issues here. the issues two people can have).. !! I mean sometimes people are just as naive as you are.. They don't know how to handle your storms..  Sometimes things may get exchanged in flow of moment.. Sometimes the timing may not be an apt one to share things with you... Nobody's perfect though one should watch out for regularities in these things But what's the point in sulking over things like she didn't tell me about it... Mr., if she had to, she will someday.. and if she doesn't want to, you need to stop pulling the dummy threads and start looking for decaying roots. Trust the relation you are in, the space you share. A thing missed or slipped shouldn't be the reason of a fall of long cherished friendship.

People who actually care and for whom you mean something are really really hard to find.. Once you find them, stick around.. There's no point in breaking a relation either.. And yes, let me clear, if you think sometimes shutting all doors is an option, it's gonna give both of you or either one of you a very hard time. Energy and time wasted in such melodramas can certainly be used to create memories... if not emotional ones with all of them, but fun memories for sure.. Cherish people around you, search for the good in them.. Life will get much simpler.. :) !!

PS : So much more to say on threads related to this.. Sometime for sure.. :) !!

The restart on 21st birthday..

Well, its really been long.. I actually didn't know what to share.. But en, from now on, have decided, why to let small and mostly good things that happen around fade away without any mention.. The shree ganesha of this account starts from an account of my 21st birthday...
Oh god.. what a day it was.. An awesome start of my birthday with two of my best buddies standing outside my hostel window singing birthday song along with my room-mates.. Loved em for this.. This is something I wont ever forget,.. En besides the whatsapps, few 'close' calls ;), fb posts, the four different cakes, the awesome gifts, the dinner ... every minute spend that day had something in-stored for me.. N also a special mention for my two sweethearts who sang the birthday song in numerous insane tones... :*
All of em had put in tremendous efforts (n money)..  I was just overwhelmed.. At a point it was all too much for me to handle.. But the thing is,the celebration went on well.. And then, the realisation dawned.. I am 21 now whereas most of my colleagues are 19 ... Nobody's fault I agree, but that's something that will never stop bothering me..
Time to get serious Miss... :P
There was a time when I presumed celebrations to be futile, but now I realise why celebrations are so important. For one thing that sums it up, they bring you closer. They get you more comfortable with the company you prefer. They manage to scarp up sometime for you to get to know your colleagues, your friends better.
So the celebration times' still on... ;) Be back soon... Hopefully.. ;)