My Act of having it together!

Sometimes you meet people,
who unknowingly become a huge part...
A huge part of your solace & peace..
And rarely do you understand
the place they had,
in your act of keeping it together..

You are no more around,
and every thing's falling apart.
I agree we made a mistake-
I shouldn't have pushed you
to act in the play of my greeds...

But you did,
and you tried,
and it shattered,
It also shattered something deep within me,
a reason to smile perhaps...

And don't get me wrong,
you were never the reason for my smiles,
but you were the reason,
for my tears to stop running down my cheek,
almost every time, for years.

Never did I think,
I will have a void,
which my anger & patience couldn't fill.
But alas, here we are!
Where I am still struggling,
to keep on stage-
my act of having it together!

Lying under the stars!

Lying under the stars at night,
I wish, it was you besides me,
& not this amazing stranger,
who traveled miles,
just to be with me...

I can see that he likes me,
but I keep thinking,
how would things be,
if it were you -

How you would look me up
with your eyes,
assuming that you do it,
without me knowing...

I keep on thinking,
if this would have happened with you, 
what jokes you would have cracked,
which moments would have made you happy,
& I know for sure, 
the pasta wouldn't have burnt- if it were you cooking...

I keep thinking,
how comfortable things would have been,
had we given us a chance..

We haven't been together in a way that's acceptable,
but I still know your every scar,
your every habit,
your every nightmare
& your every comfort...

But lying under the stars,
with this amazing stranger,
I realize,
He seems to want to know those things about me-
my dreams, my fears,
my discomforts & my muses..
Something you never bothered to care about..

And I laugh at the irony
the stars are listening to,
the stars are a witness to...

Lying under the stars,
with an amazing stranger,
I look up to them & 
silently hope,
I am making the right call,
as I turnover & kiss him...

Lying under the stars!

It's been years, but... !!

 It's been years,

And still my heart skips a beat,

Every time I see you in a crisp white shirt,

Tucked in your blue jeans... 

It's been years, 

Since I thought we would work out,

And still, everytime you do something for me,

 My cheeks turn a toasty beautiful red..

It's been years,

And still I can't comprehend,

What we share.. 

But everytime I imagine you with someone,

I have to distract myself with a 10 season long binge..

It's been years, 

And I still want to be the first 

To give you a hand when you fall...

And when I am not the one to do that, 

No meditation can contain the restlessness I feel...

It's been years,

And you still make me go red pink and green... 

But it's been years,

And somehow it's started to sink in, 

Maybe I am not the one you will find peace with, 

no matter how much I want you too...

But we have been in this for years,

And I just hope you find the most peace,

And the best piece 

That life has to offer.. 

It's been years,

And we will be so for ages,

But a part of me says adieu,

To the part of me 

That you will forever have ❤️