Monday 20 November 2017

The way you are !

The way you look at me,
makes my insides churn.
The way you hold me,
sends many a tinge down my spine.
The way you care for me,
makes my heart skip a beat.
The way you console me,
makes me want to believe.
The way you hold my stare,
leaves my mouth high and dry.
The way we are,
makes me count my blessings.
The way you are,
makes me trust the existence of goodness.
The way you are,
looking at just the way you are,
makes me wanna wish,
Please O Lord, let "he" be so :P !!

Sunday 20 August 2017

Wedding-y feeling, without the bells?

Right now, what I am about to write is by the folks who have found it very very difficult to realize and face something, to the folks who couldn't help doing what they had to. Through me, may you find a moment to take a deep breathe and say, "Yes, I can do this (too)!!"

I am sitting alone in my room, with birds about to start chirping, a new day about to start ticking, and I now have a feeling, that I know how a bride, her parents, her family feels when she's leaving her home for her husband, as is the custom. She's happy to start a new life, to look ahead to something new & exciting, but there's pain of leaving something behind, something that has seen her laugh, cry, fight, crib, love, hate, play, and grow... Something that has braved her stupid stunts, idiotic decisions and awful pranks.. On the other hand, the family is happy to see their child start afresh but it can't seem to digest the idea that their beloved wouldn't be around anymore, hopping and skipping all over the house. Everyone else, everything around will be the same, as it always was, except the one. The world celebrates the bravery of the bride as she let's go of everything that was dear to her to make the system work, because someone has to. But the world forgets that the family grieves too. They miss their chirpy old girl too. 
Why am I having such weird thoughts? That is because, right now, I feel like the bride waiting for her journey to a different life begin, and I am sure, the other side, is going to miss me too. 
 No, I ain't getting married or something. It's just a similar painful goodbye. I have parted with people before, with some because I had something to look forward to, and I knew they will always be there for me, with some because of some stupid misunderstandings I would probably never even know about. For most of them, I knew, even years later I will pick up from where I left. But this time, it's different. Ever experinced what it is to let a dear part of you be, no matter where, how, in what condition... Just letting it be, letting it do whatever it wants, whatever the time wants to get done?
The dear part I am talking about are the relationships formed- formed when you have gone through a lot in a small span of time, when you have faced some real bad adversities, some really terrible and ugly monsters together. It's after such experiences, one doesn't care if they share the same relationship after years or no. It's about the connection you form when surroundings.. time is full of acceptance, acceptance that humans can err... Full of laughter about the limitations one has.Some important life lessons are learned together, some important behaviors engraved somewhere inside of you... Those memories can't be forgone ever now, can they be? They will always serve as reminders of faith in people; always bug us to drop the ego, drop the anger, pick up the phone and let whatever is needed to happen to clear the air, and go back to what we were. Sometimes one may take time, but something too precious was shared to let the malign things lie tangled between the bonds. If they don't, well, what can one say except that it won't be only the fault of one who did try. Not all the times one needs to worry about time eating away the threads that hold you together. 
 This time, it's not about the distance, but about time... Time during which there will be a void, that no one will be able to fill. A void which makes me realise, I just wasn't ready to suffer the tortures that these stone walls offer without my complete support system, I wasn't ready to enjoy the surprises and blessings this place offers without the peals of laughter gnawing at my ears... But life goes on they say, and I am sure it will. Maybe, it's for the best, maybe it's not.. Either way it's going to happen... So sit tight, breathe deep and wait for the bride's car to get out of sight. After that, it gets easier, mainly because one doesn't have any option !!
There's something good that came up too, as usual.Currently, I have these bouts where I just feel like traveling, going backpacking. It is a fantasy I thought, just because I had nothing to do? Or I wanted it just because it gave me time and reasons to reduce my emotional turbulence, a small chance for a get-together, miles away from home, where I know, nevertheless, I will be home. It is now that I realize- I yearn for me to experience those places, feel the air there.. Stand there and take in the beauty... Enjoy the camera perfect moment... Because, once upon a time, I used to think that I can really live the world through someone else.. But no, now I know, hearing the stories, looking at the pictures was, is just a motivation... All I want is a wall full of the beauty that awaits me, which will be my something precious I get back for letting go a part of me... Joyeux voyage amis !! Amusez-vous bien :) !!
PS - No matter what, the world will keep turning.. You have an option, a choice to decide how much portion of today are you willing to give to think about yesterday's and tomorrow's certainties.. As most of the times, even here, less is more.. I am sure, like my sweethearts are going to get something really nice for me from each country they visit :P , everyone will receive something back, one way or the other :)

Friday 23 June 2017

Was it you?

Admist the lonely night,
I clutch myself hard...
Hoping it will pull me together
Wishing the unease will go its way..

There I lie,
Trying to admire the good things,
Wanting to not miss you,
Longing not to hold you,
Pining not to empty my heart out to you,
Trusting the sanity that you give me,

There I lie,
Admist the lonely night,
Clutching myself hard..
Hoping it will pull me together
Wishing the yearning will go its away..

Trying to rationalise the whys and hows of a yes or a no,
Wanting to just leave everything for a glimpse of you,
Longing not for your warmth, and my bearings,
Pining not for your embrace,
Trusting the love I know about, the love you taught me about,

There I lie,
Admist the lonely night,
Clutching myself hard..
Wondering,
All this while,
Was I thinking about him, or was it you, Mom??



Monday 13 February 2017

To the Cupid which apparently hovers around.. :P

So first of all, this is a literary piece of work, and do not take it as my heart condition, or my current status .. :P But there are some things I think would be good if someone cleared up with the cute yet idiotic and evil cupid.. Especially before he starts working on this Valentine's day.. That would go as follows I think,

" Dear devil-with-an-extremely-irresistible-aura,
What do you exactly want from us mortals? We have been given one lifetime, and one heart which can easily feel deeply about someone when its whole, but no, you enjoy seeing it getting torn, twisted and sometimes broken, bit by bit. So by the time someone who really loves us comes along, has nothing much to do, but mostly act as a healer. Come on, update that damn system of yours to eliminate wrong matches and reduce the errors.
You know what, we don't want
the kind of love that heart aches for, you know where one glance, one smile, one hug can balance out all the darkness in our life,
the kind of love that makes one loose oneself in just the laugh of another person,
the kind of love that lightens up faces & days,
the kind of love that grows from friendship but isn't confused with friendship,
the kind of love that is proud of your struggles, not only your achievements.

All this is too good to be true, and we know that. We understand that we may not be the lucky ones around here. But please, atleast don't give us hopes where there are none. Don't make us desperate in search of love that we make stupid decisions.

We are tired of getting our hearts broken, we are tired of pining for ones who cannot reciprocate, tired of investing in where things cannot end up well, tired of the feeling of someone poking sharp pins through the heart. We don't want the love that is bound by lusts or secrets that cannot be spilled, we are tired of assuming that to be love. And more importantly, we are tired of finding love in all our good friendships. We request you to be not so cruel, atleast let friends be. Don't mess them up. That's all what we got in the life apart from your blessings and our family. They are our pseudo lovers and pseudo families. Don't spoil them by sending in your stupid love arrows where they don't belong.

We know, most successful people have had their hearts broken, have had troubles with finding their soulmates and that all their success was a diversion they took. But please understand, not all of us want to be that successful, and mainly, that successful all alone. We will manage, don't you worry. You just focus on your God given damned job, and change your glasses so that you send the right arrows to the right hearts.

That's all, won't take up much of your time.. I know, Valentine's day and all,
So thank you,
And hopefully, there are no mishaps this year.

Yours sincerely,
A mere mortal :D