Was it you?

Admist the lonely night,
I clutch myself hard...
Hoping it will pull me together
Wishing the unease will go its way..

There I lie,
Trying to admire the good things,
Wanting to not miss you,
Longing not to hold you,
Pining not to empty my heart out to you,
Trusting the sanity that you give me,

There I lie,
Admist the lonely night,
Clutching myself hard..
Hoping it will pull me together
Wishing the yearning will go its away..

Trying to rationalise the whys and hows of a yes or a no,
Wanting to just leave everything for a glimpse of you,
Longing not for your warmth, and my bearings,
Pining not for your embrace,
Trusting the love I know about, the love you taught me about,

There I lie,
Admist the lonely night,
Clutching myself hard..
Wondering,
All this while,
Was I thinking about him, or was it you, Mom??