Just a few days back, I came across a post saying- Don't write if you don't feel like writing, don't ever just write for the sake of it, don't do it until you feel words pouring out of your heart, and it touched me. I wasn't the kind of person who felt the compulsion to write something until few days back. And I realised I have to get back to writing for myself again. )Well, that's a pretty innovative disclaimer to say that my posts may get a little infrequent.. ;) )
And another disclaimer, especially for those who know me by name and face, please don't change your perceptions about me after reading these blogs. All of them are fictions based on some or other reality. Basically it's modifying reality, making up my own versions of them. And besides, I am being called a bluffer, may have been the case unconsciously, so I thought, as may I do it consciously.. ;)
There are many things I have on my mind right now- friends, career, family, again something about friends, health, then again something about friends and a few its and bits. It's now I realise how much importance my friends have in my life. And how much small things regarding them, small things they do or even things indifferent to them can affect me for days. Sometimes I feel I over do it, so much that it would freak out a normal person. And other times, I over expect things from them. Maybe it was hard for me to digest that it is not necessary for everyone to have same sensitivity towards every other person they spend their time with.
This lack of sensitivity, or say ignorance or may be self obsession, or just normal behaviour instead of a special treatment from my close friends, almost led me to a stage where I would do things against my own mind, I would cry myself to sleep, sleep for hours & hours, waste my time doing nothing and when I tried to put the blame of all this on some other people, accusing them of being selfish, ignorant and careless, I wouldn't believe myself on this. I knew this wasn't true et all. I know come what may, these people will always be there for me. These will be the ones who would celebrate me if even if something small comes up, will be the first ones to wipe off my tears least they hear of it or see it.
But yet inspite of all this, I had a tough time letting my urge to know everything about them before anyone else go. It was really tough to accept that they might not be comfortable sharing some things, that the priorities would change if they find their significant other or if they get a job or if they move to some other city. And the worst part to accept was, they can lie to me, mostly for my own sake though and sometimes to save their own skin, but yes, they would, sometimes to the extent that the gifts for their special ones would go as gift to their siblings. Sometimes there would be "groups" with me not in it other than my birthday planning group (I am never gonna forgive or forget that, ever >:O ) I, in reality, have very few close friends and in my fairy tale world, I did not expect even a single of these problems. But they came, and with a slap on my face, I had to acknowledge the fact, that in the end it's only you yourself who can save your day.
I tried movie binging, indulging my cravings, but nothing worked. The only thing that worked was when I decided to work for myself and pull these idiots out of their lives and force them to spend time together. That works every damn time. And never does it fail to remind me of the Owl city song, "Good time", especially the part where it says, " We don't even have to try, it's always a good time... "
Once a friend of mine honoured me with the dialogue saying, "In your group, you are the glue that holds it together", I didn't believe it then, but now when I realise it's true implications, I am above flattered. I don't even believe it now. I am the quiet one. Always the conflict solver, one on the side of the one being targeted, a person of exceptionally less words. It takes a hell lot of time for me to speak what's on my mind, I don't like to loose the reins of control over myself easily, I keep on resisting it, pushing it till the time of threshold. And as I said, because of this, my reactions may freak out a normal person, it's seems weird for others as to how intense small things get for me and for few others out there. But it happens, exists and there are people who love us and accept us after this. I am beyond being thankful to them for this. I do adore them and will always do, no matter what.
I usually make it a point to make sure my writing has a point. But today, it's just few words I wanted to put together. Nothing much besides that. Maybe the backstage view of friendship through my glasses. And please keep on sending your suggestions, comments, or whatever that you want to share, to me on sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com . I am always going to be there to help you (and am open to taking help also ) Or you can comment below if you are comfortable with that :)
And another disclaimer, especially for those who know me by name and face, please don't change your perceptions about me after reading these blogs. All of them are fictions based on some or other reality. Basically it's modifying reality, making up my own versions of them. And besides, I am being called a bluffer, may have been the case unconsciously, so I thought, as may I do it consciously.. ;)
There are many things I have on my mind right now- friends, career, family, again something about friends, health, then again something about friends and a few its and bits. It's now I realise how much importance my friends have in my life. And how much small things regarding them, small things they do or even things indifferent to them can affect me for days. Sometimes I feel I over do it, so much that it would freak out a normal person. And other times, I over expect things from them. Maybe it was hard for me to digest that it is not necessary for everyone to have same sensitivity towards every other person they spend their time with.
This lack of sensitivity, or say ignorance or may be self obsession, or just normal behaviour instead of a special treatment from my close friends, almost led me to a stage where I would do things against my own mind, I would cry myself to sleep, sleep for hours & hours, waste my time doing nothing and when I tried to put the blame of all this on some other people, accusing them of being selfish, ignorant and careless, I wouldn't believe myself on this. I knew this wasn't true et all. I know come what may, these people will always be there for me. These will be the ones who would celebrate me if even if something small comes up, will be the first ones to wipe off my tears least they hear of it or see it.
But yet inspite of all this, I had a tough time letting my urge to know everything about them before anyone else go. It was really tough to accept that they might not be comfortable sharing some things, that the priorities would change if they find their significant other or if they get a job or if they move to some other city. And the worst part to accept was, they can lie to me, mostly for my own sake though and sometimes to save their own skin, but yes, they would, sometimes to the extent that the gifts for their special ones would go as gift to their siblings. Sometimes there would be "groups" with me not in it other than my birthday planning group (I am never gonna forgive or forget that, ever >:O ) I, in reality, have very few close friends and in my fairy tale world, I did not expect even a single of these problems. But they came, and with a slap on my face, I had to acknowledge the fact, that in the end it's only you yourself who can save your day.
I tried movie binging, indulging my cravings, but nothing worked. The only thing that worked was when I decided to work for myself and pull these idiots out of their lives and force them to spend time together. That works every damn time. And never does it fail to remind me of the Owl city song, "Good time", especially the part where it says, " We don't even have to try, it's always a good time... "
Once a friend of mine honoured me with the dialogue saying, "In your group, you are the glue that holds it together", I didn't believe it then, but now when I realise it's true implications, I am above flattered. I don't even believe it now. I am the quiet one. Always the conflict solver, one on the side of the one being targeted, a person of exceptionally less words. It takes a hell lot of time for me to speak what's on my mind, I don't like to loose the reins of control over myself easily, I keep on resisting it, pushing it till the time of threshold. And as I said, because of this, my reactions may freak out a normal person, it's seems weird for others as to how intense small things get for me and for few others out there. But it happens, exists and there are people who love us and accept us after this. I am beyond being thankful to them for this. I do adore them and will always do, no matter what.
I usually make it a point to make sure my writing has a point. But today, it's just few words I wanted to put together. Nothing much besides that. Maybe the backstage view of friendship through my glasses. And please keep on sending your suggestions, comments, or whatever that you want to share, to me on sharayuchaudhari@gmail.com . I am always going to be there to help you (and am open to taking help also ) Or you can comment below if you are comfortable with that :)
No comments:
Post a Comment