Maybe !!

We sit across each other now,

pretending to be interested in gossips or work,

You tell me something high and mighty, 

about someone high and mighty,

And I listen, every word, with rapt attention,
Because I am afraid, that if I stare for a second too long,
I might not be able to go back...

When suddenly, you drop in a casual statement,

which makes me think,
about the thoughts that start with a "Maybe"

Just maybe, you are not pretending to fit in,

Just maybe, you do genuinely care, about me,

Just maybe, you are trying to make up....

Sometimes I wonder, 

why is just being yourself so hard for you....

I know for a fact, that we all are a bunch of misfits here..

Why do you need to have those high walls around me,

and I think I have earned it, 

when I say, high walls of nothingness, and for nothing...

When suddenly, you give me that look,

that glance which makes me go searching for a gasp of breath,

and I think, "Maybe"

Just maybe, you don't know yet,

Just maybe, you are not sure yet,

Just maybe, you are tied in some way.

Sometimes I wonder,

Am I wrong, in treating you the way I do,

Or for treating you really nice?

I don't know if that makes you feel comfortable,

Or it just adds to your discomfort of not being a part of it?

At times, I try and desperately search for something..

Something, and anything that will help me know,

What works for you... 

Because, maybe, no matter what,
I really want to see you settle...

This weird restlessness you have about you,

doesn't really do justice to the presence,

that one would like write about... :P

Sometimes I wonder,

do you even read what I write?

do you ever think of any "Maybe"s,

"Maybe"s that I am a part of....

And I think, "Maybe" !!

The odd one out there !!

One day I said,
That this oversized sweater reminds me of you, especially on a rainy day, with a hot chocolate mug in my hand,
And you just smiled, and said, "I'm glad, you think I am that comforting"
The other day I said,
I am so weird, and you sat me down, with examples of weirdness in (and around) your life...

There were days when I would just get bored,
and I would text you... And you would entertain me,
Till the sun showed up again on the horizon,
and it was time to attend one of those lectures where no one listens to anything...

There were days when I would feel so much of something,
and I would want to distract myself,
and I would text you.... And you would entertain me,
Till we saw the first rays of sun outside our windows,
and it was time to actually get up and see each other in college,
somehow pretend that we would just harmlessly banter,
and now I wonder why,
why didn't we stop & think about it?

Maybe, it was the beauty of it..
The beauty that you would find in this mess,
Or was that solace & friendship?
There were days when we would talk 24*7,
and there were times when we replied back to each other after days, at an instance, after a year...

But over the years, we are still the same...
We know the best sides of each other, and the worst....
There are things you know that I might not even think of again,
And I know, I have been at those places for you at times..

Yet, we never dated.. we never made promises of "bff"s
we don't expect much from each other,
and yet, we know, we are always gonna be there for each other..

One day I said,
That chaos is calming, it tells me everything is okay,
And you probably sighed, and said, "Haven't heard anything so relatable for a long time"
The other day I said,
Cut out from the same cloth, aren't we...

And you would probably say something,
sweet, cheesy yet corny....
And we would continue walking our own paths,
trying to keep our souls alive, feel alive....

To Cliches, and to a brand new 2k19 !!

Why are you so obsessed with love they say,
write something about us..

And it is then I realised,
I have given so much of mind space to what isn't,
or to what could be,
that I haven't really taken time to appreciate what I have...

Yes, this is one of those cliched, over gratitudy post,
But for somethings,
like your proposals, and promises of getting old together,
like gifting your first salary to your parents, and expressions of thanks,
cliches are good... So, here I go,

There are so many things we take for granted,
Year ends, and our big falls remind us of them..
Right from good education, good food,
To an understanding that comes with the education,
To the health that comes with good food....
From the capability & the zeal to travel,
To the richness that one commands after the travel...
From good people around you,
To realising that you have come a long way due to the company you have kept...
From having the option to break the societal norms,
To taking a conscious call of not casually calling someone's taste "gay", and not announcing that "I don't judge" or using sexist slurs of "crying or throwing like a girl"

There are so many things we take for granted...
But,
Despite the unfairness of it all, and everything,
the feeling of only imagination being a limit, is also a luxury,
the ones who have just assume, and the ones who don't, never realise..

There are so many things we take for granted...
Yet, sometimes it feels like there are so many things in life that we can't control...

This year, taught me that it's important to remember the things we can...
Like forgiveness, second chances, and fresh starts...
You don't have to be anything to anyone, you just have to be everything to you...
It is very easy to hear these words, and agree, and forget,
unless you feel it. You actually see yourself living life on your own terms...
It doesn't matter if you are single, it doesn't matter if you are bored of your job,
It doesn't matter if life's throwing you any of those 146 things that it has listed under "issues"

Tell yourself, it is a consequence of the decisions you made...

Because the one thing that turns the world from a lonely place into a beautiful one, is.... Love? No.. It's Hope...

Because, remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies... Happy New Year Folks :)